TRUMP ISNT THE PROBLEM

I vividly remember being 14 years old at cross country practice, and being cat called by a 40 year old man. I remember flipping off multiple men (sorry mom) who whistled at me while working out, only to be told "be careful you don't know what he might do to you". I remember being "groped" by a guy at a college party, while wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and not being dressed like "i was asking for it". I still to this day, am scared to go on a run alone, because "what if some guy follows me" runs through my head. 

as a young girl i was told to cover up, that i didn't want boys to get the wrong idea. BUT WHY?! why is it MY responsibility, to make sure boys don't get the wrong idea. Why cant i wear what i want, whether that be a skirt and heels or sweats and no makeup, without having to worry about boys thinking "wrong" of me. it doesn't matter what i'm wearing, i'm never "asking for it".

during this election the world has talked more about this "she's asking for it" culture, than has ever been talked about before, and Trump was the number one cause for it; as if he has been the only guy that has ever participated in "locker room" banter, in making women feel less than, in treating women like property, but guess what?! YOU JUST GOT AN INSIGHT TO THE DAILY LIVES OF WOMEN EVERYWHERE! but trump isn't the problem.- now before you freak out on me and call me all sorts of names, yes he has participated in all of the things i've mentioned, but if there is one thing i've learned through this election, is to look for the positive in everything, which in this case is that he raised awareness of the real problem going on, and that is what we are teaching our children.

we teach our girls that its their fault if a boy thinks "dirty thoughts" about them, that if they dress a certain way that boys are going to get the wrong idea.

we teach our boys that its "natural" to lust after a woman because "boys will be boys", almost as if the world owes them something...

so what are we supposed to do to change this?! how do we change the culture of the world?!

easy -- CHANGE OURSELVES AND HOW WE TEACH.

teach our boys that girls are their equal, and that they should be treated likewise. teach them that they need to be respectable AND respectful, to everyone

teach our girls to RESPECT themselves. teach them that they are beautiful, and are no ones property. teach them that they can be anything they set their mind on, no matter how they look.

teach our children that MODESTY IS FOR THEMSELVES, that you shouldn't "cover up" so that someone wont think differently, but they should remain "modest" so that they can do the things they need and want without having to focus on what they are wearing. teach them not to judge others based on appearances. TEACH RESPECT.

but how do we go about teaching these things?? we need to first learn them ourselves, understand them personally, and really change our views on ourselves. once you learn how to love yourself and respect yourself, you can then teach others to do the same. be the change that you wish to see in the world, spread love, not hate, and be more understanding and less judgmental, cause change first starts with you.

xoxo leilani

DATE NIGHT AND A NEW DRESS

y'all. we found the best place for date night EVER! its a little hole in the wall sushi restaurant, that kinda looks like you may get food poisoning from the outside, but i promise you, we've now been there like 4 times in the past few weeks, and i have yet to get food poisoning, so its definitely safe to eat i promise. its called Sushi House, and they have ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI ALL DAY LONG. yes. you read that right, ALL YOU CAN EAT, and its not the shitty sushi where you can only get the basic little california rolls in the all you can eat menu, but they let you pick absolutely whatever you want and it seriously is the yummiest sushi i have had yet (and I've eaten at a ton of different sushi places in my life, like a ton.) 

also this adorable dress is seriously one of my new favorite fall dresses, and its so affordable its crazy! I'm a little obsessed...

dress

purse

pom keychain

lip color

shoes (old from topshop): similar ,  currently obsessing

"REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"

"Real women have curves"


oh i cannot tell you enough how much i hate this quote. i dont just "dislike it", i dont just "kinda get annoyed by it", no. I HATE IT.

i am so sick of the media telling us smaller women that we arent real, that we are photoshopped, that "dogs only go for bones". i am also sick of the media telling women that being skinny is the only thing that you should be as women. that you have to have the perfect body, the flattest abs, the perfect butt, etc. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. and you want to know what the most amazing this is about that?! its that NO ONE IS PERFECT. even the most "perfect" looking people in your eyes, have issues, insecurities, and imperfections and that is what makes us, US! 

you want to know what real women are?! real women are inventors, mothers, bloggers, shoppers, hairstylists, teachers, math brains, scientists, animal lovers, chefs, car enthusiasts, models, fitness stars, they are HUMAN. they are EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING IN BETWEEN, and if there is anything i can teach my daughter, is that she is a real woman no matter what she decides to do in life, no matter who she decides she wants to be, what she wants to do with her hair, whatever she decides in life, she is a real woman. cause guess what? I was a real woman when i was at 8% body fat, and extremely unhealthy, i was a real woman when i was at 13% body fat and at my most healthy "fit body", i was a real woman when i was healing from and emotional trauma and wasnt looking "my best" and I AM A REAL WOMAN NOW.

YOU ARE A REAL WOMAN

 whether you are "thick", "thin", short, tall, black, white, asian, mexican, polynesian, latina, aussie, european, have short hair, have long hair, have tattoos, have no peircings, NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE A REAL WOMAN.

my only hope is for people to be aware and proud that they are a woman in. so much pressure is put on us to be a certain way, to look a certain way, or to act a certain way, and i say SCREW THAT. do what you love, dress how you feel the most confident, read books and be proud of being a "nerd" if thats your thing, at the same time be proud that you hate reading, that you would much rather see the movie than read the book, be a cat lover, be a dog lover, dont own a animal all together, it literally does not matter what you choose to do, YOU DO YOU.

my absolute favorite quote about women being women is by Hanne Blank, and it says 

"Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise."

So be proud of being who you are, be proud of how others are, because to me, a REAL woman, empowers others.

xoxo leilani

I GAVE UP ENERGY DRINKS AND IVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER

So. ive had multiple questions about what on earth i was talking about on my facebook and instagram post,so obviously im going to share it with other people. i mean when you come across something amazing dont you want to share it with everyone else?!

so im going to back track a little bit here so that i can really have yall understand where i was just a few weeks ago. a few weeks ago i was at my all time low, i was at the heaviest ive ever been, i was beyond depressed (for those who dont know, surprise i have depression!), and i was super anxious all the time to the point where i didnt want to leave my house or even get off the couch. i was taking multiple naps throughout the day, and crashed around 9:30pm. I was trying everything i could, i was working out daily, i was getting outside when i could, i even tried to just focus on yard work one full day, but i could not get myself out of this funk.

thankfully for me, my husband has some amazing friends who had tried this certain product and SWORE by it. they bought us a month supply and im not kidding you, it sat on our counter for 3 weeks.... finally colton decided he wanted to try it out, just to say he had cause we felt horrible that our friends had gotten us this product and it was just sitting. the first day colton tried it, he felt beyond nauseous, and super down and just didnt want to do anything, so we called our friends and told them "kay you must be insane cause this is not working what the heck is going on?!", well of course, colton had taken it completely wrong, so it whacked his stomach for the first day, so the second day i tried it with him cause i thought "well what do i really have to lose?" and THIS TIME we took it correctly and i IMMEDIATELY started feeling it. my mind was clear, i was awake, and colton was finally focused (like he is when he was on adderall, ADDERALL PEOPLE) except for not only was colton focused, but he was his normal self! he was the funny, romantic man i had fallen in love with, that now had the drive and energy to get everything done when he needed it to be. now if you have every had a loved one with ADHD, you know exactly what im talking about. Before this Colton wouldnt even finish full sentences cause his mind would just go wandering let alone there was no way in hell he would finish a project unless i got on to him multiple times through the day, so the fact that i no longer had to deal with that, but unlike adderall, he STILL had his personality i was SOLD. 

now for my own personal experience, yall. you have absolutely no idea. my mind was finally clear, i had no anxiety (which literally, in a normal situation, i felt trapped inside my own mind and was the biggest worrier out there), not only was my anxiety gone, but my stress was gone. I had the energy to get through ONE WHOLE DAY! i wasnt crashing at 9:30 anymore, i could actually stay awake without getting grumpy towards people (sorry colton ), and I FINALLY SLEPT A FULL NIGHT WITHOUT WAKING UP AT 3AM AND STARING AT MY CEILING TILL COLTON WOKE UP.

seriously by the second day, all these issues i was having had been solved by this miracle product, so obviously being the slightly pessimistic, need to know it all nerd that i am, i immediately searched every single ingredient that was in this product, and learned exactly what it did for you, and called everyone that i could that knew things about this product that i couldnt figure out, just trying to find 1 bad thing inside of it so that i could, if you want to say "prove" myself wrong that this "supplement" really couldnt be solving all my issues, but to my dismay, and at the same time, my excitement, i found that there literally is nothing inside of it that is bad for me, so we ordered more, and became a part of the company, and now im sharing my experiences with y'all because i seriously am so beyond blessed that our friends shared this with us and it solved all my problems i was having, as well as my husbands, so i NEED to share it with the world, because if its had this impact on me, i know it'll help other people.

now this product isnt just for people who suffer with anxiety, like me, or have ADHD like colton, it has helped a myriad of people. For our friend brooke, its helped her fix her metabolism, for her husband its given him drive and energy, for other people its helped them get themselves to the gym and start changing their lives that way, and its helped all of us start a business and get ourselves some extra money every month too so of course that doesnt suck :)

so without further adieu, the product that ive been using is called THRIVE

what it is is a supplement you take FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, before you put anything else in your body, a protein powder you take 20 minutes later (which i like to mix the vanilla flavor with chocolate milk cause it tastes like cookie dough ;)), and then a patch that you put on a lean part of your body. yes a patch, like a nicotine patch except it contains a ton of vitamins and minerals that your body needs to function properly, as well as LESS CAFFEINE THEN A 12oz REDBULL, that seriously gives you energy throughout the whole day! plus whats amazing is it cuts all your crappy cravings, and you start actually craving healthy things! (for those who know me personally, know i am NOT a healthy eater. i love my dr pepper, i love my candy, and i hate water), with this product ive been craving salads and water daily! as well as true organic non processed foods, which has been a definite changer in my physique and my skin health!

(click my write up link below to learn the logistics of everything)

so i have two things for yall to do now that you have heard about my experience and a few others, i want you to take a look at this product, i want you to look through my write up of what exactly is in it and go to my husbands page and learn more about it (ill put the link below) and if you are interested in trying it or learning about the "business" side of it, (cause who doesnt want an extra $600-$3000+ a month?!) contact me or my husband through instagram, or facebook, or through our email or even send us a text! (i'll put that info below as well)

THRIVE INGREDIENTS

HUSBANDS PAGE





WANT TO LEARN THE BUSINESS SIDE 
or just have other questions on how to order?!
email us:
tay.brockbank@gmail.com
colton.brockbank@gmail.com

message us on facebook:
@taylor leilani brockbank
@colton brockbank

find us on instagram
@taylorleilani
@coltonbrockbank

WAIT... THESE ARE LEGGINGS

y'all. you have no idea how excited i am to be sharing my most favorite pants of all time that i for sure own multiple pairs of (judge me), and the best part... THEY'RE LEGGINGS.

YUP. you heard that right, LEGGINGS! and I'm beyond obsessed. I've been looking for a new pair of true black leggings for fall, cause lets be honest no one really likes wearing jeans, and when i saw these i about cried of excitement. i follow the cutest girl on instagram who started her own online clothing shop called "The Red Closet Shop", and i may or may not own every item of clothing from her line, cause its THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST. 

also these adorable booties are from target... yes target, one of my absolute favorite places to shop for shoes cause they are so affordable and adorable!

leggings

booties

top

plaid shirt

xoxo leilani

EATING DISORDERS 101

a few years ago i was at an all time low in my life. i was in a relationship that just about ruined any thought of confidence i had in myself, with a guy who was constantly comparing me to girls who had nicer abs then i had seen on any human before in my life, surrounded by his sisters who continually picked apart every inch of their body and were trying new diets every week to get that "summer bod" that everyone wants. its no wonder i not only had zero confidence, but was led to thinking that i wasn't good enough and became extremely depressed and developed an eating disorder.

before i get into the really nitty gritty of my experience, i want to share a few things about eating disorders, because i feel like it isn't talked about enough so people don't really understand that eating disorders don't just include starving yourself or throwing up your food when you finish eating, its much more than that.

an eating disorder is defined as "any of a range of psychological disorders (such as anorexia/bulimia) characterized by serious disturbances of eating behavior", so it doesn't just include being anorexic or bulimic, it also includes being malnourished and not fueling your body with what it needs to function. According the The National Medline Plus, "starving" yourself, is going underneath the recommended 1200-1500 calorie a day intake. A diet of 500-800 calories a day is dangerously low and should not be done unless it is a medically supervised diet. so if you don't feel as though you're categorized as anorexic or bulimic but you aren't eating the amount you need a day to keep your body going, because of negative influences, ( because eating disorders aren't about food, they're about the negative emotions that come about from not feeling good enough, or being stressed, depressed, anxious and everything in-between, and become a coping mechanism ), you need to realize that you have problem and need to change. this was the hardest thing for me; because i wasn't technically "anorexic" or "bulimic" i didn't see a problem, but i wasn't eating enough for myself because i was trying to cope with the anxiety of a mentally, and emotionally unstable and abusive relationship.

back to my experience... while i was in this relationship, i had absolutely no idea anything was wrong, because this had been the norm for me for almost 2 years. it wasn't until recent that i realized that i and a problem and needed to change it. i was at an all time low, weighing 91 pounds with a B.M.I. of 10 , (side note: a healthy BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9) , i was struggling to walk to work and stand on my feet for owe 3 hours without wincing from the pain of pinched nerves in my lower back. every night when i got home from work, i would end up crying myself to sleep because of the constant lower back pain, i couldn't go on hikes or runs without fighting back tears, needless to say, i was not in the best place of my life and i had no idea it was because i had an eating disorder. i blamed all the pain and frustration on previous injuries from a high school cross country career, and continued to ignore the real problem at hand.

when this relationship ended, and it ended badly, (i think i win in the worst breakup ever category, maybe ill explain later?), things got worse. i was broken and had no idea what to do so i decided to move back home to texas. for the first three weeks of being home, i didn't do a thing. i stayed inside and slept, maybe having a dr pepper, or a bowl of cereal to eat for the whole day, and watched too much tv. i finally got bored and started getting out of the house and feeling a little better, and thats when everyone started mentioning how little i was, and of course, being a girl, it felt as if i was getting complimented for being so skinny, so i started to feel a little better day by day, but my diet remained the same. i started getting more confident in who i was and decided that i needed to face my demons (a.k.a my ex and his crazy ass family , sorry not sorry!) , and move back to utah, cause there had to be a reason the God led me there in the first place. i was so worried that i would be alone in utah, since i moved to utah for this ex of mine in the first place, that i decided to use good ol' Facebook and find people i knew that lived in utah, and to find myself a friend to hang out with, and thats when colton and i reconnected, and i thank God every day we did!

i flew back to utah and started hanging out with colton on the daily, and i mean, who wouldn't want to hangout with someone who took you out to eat for breakfast lunch AND dinner?! i was in heaven! little did i know that he wanted to make sure i was staying healthy and eating, because from the two years that had passed since we last saw each other, i had lost about 30 pounds that i didn't need to lose, and he was worried about my health, and slowly i began my journey back to my healthy body. now it wasn't the easiest journey, and i definitely had some hiccups here and there, and way too much negative self talk, but i can finally say that i am HEALTHY, and it feels amazing. yeah i still don't have the ripped bod that i want, and i still get back pain every now and again, but i am healthy enough to go to the gym, to go on a run, or a hike without crying because i am in so much pain. i can finally fall asleep comfortably, and stand on my feet for a long amount of time and its the most amazing feeling in the world. i still have to fight every day to have a good day, and to remain positive with myself, but i am slowly learning how good it is, to feel good, and i couldn't be more grateful.

so if you are struggling at all, with any version of an eating disorder, please try your hardest to follow these steps so that you too can become healthy again.

1) HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM

do not be afraid to talk to someone! if you are scared to talk to friends or family, talk to me! I've been through it and i understand. i am more than happy to help you with anything you need.

2) LEARN HOW TO COPE

because eating disorders become a coping mechanism for many people, try and focus that energy somewhere else! figure out the problem at hand and use exercise, reading, music, or the outdoors as your new coping mechanism.

3) IMPROVE YOUR SELF IMAGE

make a list of your positive qualities. focus on what you like about your body. challenge the negative self talk. wear clothing that makes you happy. stay away from the scale. celebrate yourself!!!

4) DONT DIET

learn healthy eating habits. instead of focusing on what you shouldn't eat, focus on what you need to keep your body fueled and keep a regular eating schedule!

5) IF YOU NEED MORE HELP

turn to your primary care physician for help, and a referral to a doctor or nutritionist that can help you, or call the national eating disorder association hotline at 1.800.931.2237

6) and lastly, LOVE YOURSELF

xoxo leilani

SPEAK YOUR TRUTH: BE A BEST FRIEND

y'all. i am feeling the love. i just have so much love in my heart right now i wish i could just reach out and hug every one of you!

so now that I've been overly lovey, I'm going to back track a little... about a week ago i completely broke down to my husband on the phone. i know crazy right, I'm human, and i have emotions, and sometimes they get the best of me. I have times where i don't hold it all together and i just completely break down and feel sorry for myself, and this was one of those times. i broke down about how i seriously felt like i had no friends and it totally killed me. now this isn't the first time I've felt this way, but before i normally just say "screw it, i don't care, tim not going to waste my time feeling bad and let it hurt me" so i would just stuff all those emotions down until finally i didn't have any more room to stuff emotions, and i exploded, and imploded, and every other "ploded" there is...  and my poor husband (i thank the Lord every day for him, and for his ability to deal with my crazy), got to listen to me sob on the phone for about an hour. (to the men reading this, if you have any girl in your life, this will happen to her, she will explode eventually and not be able to hide her emotions anymore, so my advice to you, is be prepared to just listen, don't try to fix it, i mean it - don't try and fix it, and comfort her, and possibly bring some ice cream...) in all seriousness though, this is the lowest I've felt in a very long time.

i got home from work around 3:30, and had to be at the airport to pick colton up at 1am, so i had some time to kill, so i sat, and snap chatted, and watched way too many reality shows, rented a movie, had really unhealthy food, sat some more, cue breakdown. i couldn't understand why no one was coming to hand out with me when i was obviously lonely, i mean i know everyone had seen my snapchats, and knew they saw me lonely, taking pictures with my dog, so why had no one come to my rescue?! - this was literally going through my mind - and it wasn't until after sleeping off my full on meltdown, that i realized how ungrateful i was acting, and how overdramatic, (I'm a girl, sue me), i was being. 

i was so blessed all through high school to have a home that my parents made so welcoming, where people would constantly be hanging out, and to have friends that would just come over unannounced when they knew i was bored, to get me off my butt and doing something productive. i was even luckier to have similar experiences in hawaii with amazing friend who would walk over from their dorm screaming my name to wake me up and get me out of my room, or better yet, poke me with sticks while i was sleeping through my window. i guess i just assumed thats how everyone acted and thats what it would be like no matter where i lived. i finally realized that in order to get a friend that does these things, and treats me so well, i had to BE that friend to them, and i hadn't been doing that. I hadn't been the one to pick up the phone and call/text first, invite them to do something, or just check up on them to make sure they're doing okay, so why would i expect someone to do that for me?! i have finally begun to understand this concept and am beyond humbled by my break down because i am finally able to see the light and change my ways.

with that being said, here are my steps to being, and getting, a best friend.

1: GENUINELY CARE

don't just say whats up, or what are you doing, genuinely ask them how they are and whats new in their lives, and be excited for them! life is hard, and sometimes people suck, so be a cheerleader for them and lift them up all the time, not just when they're feeling down, and CONTINUALLY check up on them!

2: MAKE THE PLANS AND TEXT FIRST

don't wait around for someone to text you or invite you to do something, if you're bored and want to hang out with your friends, tell them! tell them what you have planned and that you would love for them to come and be there with you!

3: DONT GET BUMMED

life gets crazy sometimes, and they may not be able to make it, but don't get upset! instead reschedule and let them know that you're there if they every need you. if you get bummed about your friend not being able to make it to what you have planned, you'll begin to resent asking, and you'll be less inclined to plan and ask again, which means they'll be less inclined to hang with you.

4: BUY THEM A ROUTE 44 DP

okay this is optional, but if anyone wants to bring me one i wouldn't hate it

but in all seriousness, just treat your friend exactly how you would want to be treated and i promise you, your friend pool will be infinite.

now i just wanted to take this space here to thank some people who have truly made a difference in my life and taught me what it means to be a friend.

NARDY: thanks for just being you. i couldn't be more grateful for who you are as a person and I'm lucky to have you as a best friend. even though seminary teachers hate us, we may or may not throw cake at random strangers, and I'm pretty sure we annoy every human we come in contact with, you are my best friend and have taught me that who i am as a person, is pretty rad. thanks for not hating me anymore so we could become friends

ALEX: thank you for teaching me that if it doesn't make me happy, I'm doing it wrong, whether that be with life or jobs or school, i try my hardest to do what makes me happy and thank you for teaching me that its okay to make mistakes, and that i can forgive myself. 

AUSTIN: thank you for teaching me that its okay to be weird, and to love who i am as a person. thank you for teaching me how to be confident in myself and for accepting me for me. also thank you for teaching me how to truly love and care for each and every individual unconditionally.

BRAYDEN: thank you for teaching me to get over it and move on! and for showing me that i am stronger than i think and braver than i seem. also thank you so much for teaching me that it doesn't matter what any one else thinks of me, only what i think of me.

VIC: thank you!!! thank you for being there for me during one of the hardest times of my life and for just being willing to do whatever i needed at the time, and for just chill in and watching ridiculousness with me when we probably should have been studying. thank you for making me feel so comfortable in who i am and helping me find myself.

AND LAST BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT LEAST 

COLTON: words can not express how grateful i am every day for you. i am so beyond blessed to not only know you, but have you as my forever best friend. thank you for helping me through the tough times and cheering me on through the great ones. every day you amaze me and show me what its like to have a Christ-like love towards every one and i pray that i can be more like you. thank you for loving me and teaching me what truly matters in life. you are the most amazing example of a human and best friend, and i thank The Lord daily for you. I love you.

xoxo leilani